A friend of mine recently sent me this exchange. Published with permission.
“Dear Father, I’m currently looking at attending seminary. Before I commit. Though my Priest says it’s natural to enter with trepidation. When you entered into the Clergy was there anything that struck you as a stumbling block or maybe preconceived notions that you just had to accept may not line up with but are ultimately not important enough to cause your hesitation?”
Answer:
Trepidation is good! :-) From my experience, like with marriage, the real challenges are going to be the unknown ones. The people who dislike you for no reason other than you are an authority figure and they want the power. Bad bishops who demand a level of unhealthy sacrifice (our wife and kids sacrifice even more than we do) but then hang you out to dry when you fail or stand up for the truth when the bishop is teaching heresy. Low income and high demands on your time. Jealous fellow priests. And double the number of demonic temptation, for if a priest falls its twice as good as a layman. Often, being a priest is like being a soldier deployed for politically motivate war. You are willing to lay down your life but in the end you mean nothing to the politicians; just an ends to a means. Being a priest is to be like Christ. Not in the holy sense, but in the sense that the people who should accept you won’t. And the justice system that you apply mercifully to all those around you is denied from you. The few who love you truly will stand at your side when you are crucified by those who you served; but they will not be able to save you from the abuse.
How’s that for good news!
So it is truly a Christ-like existence, but in all the most ascetical ways. The liturgical life is where we find solace and momentary protection from all the suffering.
The liturgics and theology are the easy parts. I think seminaries in general fail to actually prepare the future priest. All the focus is on knowledge and servitude but that does not prepare the person effectively. It’s like teaching a soldier all about weapons and tactics but never having him actually practice with his hands and exhausted body. So when the newby priest hits the ground he is usually totally overwhelm by the war that he has entered into. A psychologist friend of mind gained access to St. Vladimir’s seminary student files and proved that 92% of former students who were ordained failed in the priesthood: quit, divorced, apostatized, were deposed, etc. So the ‘business model’ is obviously a failure, but those who have the authority to require change won’t do it, because the current system serves them best. Like the war analogy, they just want disposable bodies to throw into battle. If they have the bodies they need, there is no reason to change the system.
I say all this with dispassion and a shrug of the shoulders. We the 8% that survived the war take all the above as just common knowledge. And the angels cringe.
Currently it is predicted that in the next 5 years the Church in America will lose approximately 500 clergy to retirement, death, quitting, or being deposed. So we are going to see a sharp crisis soon. My hope is that it will be a crisis of opportunity. Most new clergy nowadays are converts to Orthodoxy and we are less compatible, by conviction and self-education, with the old war system. We see the error and hesitate to cooperate with it on justified, moral grounds.
So the real question is, are you prepared to fight for Christ in a war that usually can’t be won? Are you a warrior at heart, willing to stand with Christ and the Church alone, or are you a minion who would accept a cassock in exchange for his conscience? If of the first, you are part of the solution. If of the second, the Church doesn’t need more of the same problem.
How’s that for an answer to a simple question!?! But it really is war, so don’t listen to anyone who says its glorious. Yes, we become heroes, but we also get the PTSD. It is tiny moments of profound glory, and instants of touching holiness, but for the most part it is crucifixion. You are in my prayers!
Leave a Reply